This presidential election in the United States is different than every past election that I have ever witnessed. There has never been a truly great candidate but there was always one that sucked less than the other, so at least there was a small amount of hope. Not so this year. We have one candidate that is a narcissist and the other is a nut bag. My wife and I have been wanting to go to Germany. Perhaps this is a good time to plan a four-year visit.

But there is still hope. I started thinking that my cat would make a better president than these two… people, so I spoke with Chris and he has agreed to run as a write-in candidate.

I know what you are thinking. Why should I vote for Chris? where does he stand on the issues. Well, I’ve compiled a list of all the important issues and where Chris stands on each of those issues:

• Capital Punishment: Chris is against it except for mice and lizards and only if he can play with them first.
• Abortion: Chris, being an adopted child, feels everyone should have a chance to find a loving family.
• Foreign Affairs: Chris is a natural Alpha. In our home, he took over the leadership position as soon as he entered our house as a kitten and he is certain that he can be the world’s Alpha. Any country that doesn’t fall in line will get two whacks and a hiss.
• The Environment: Chris would like everyone to be able to go outside and eat grass without fear of toxic poisoning.
• Race Relations: Chris thinks everyone should be treated like gold, no matter what color their fur is.
• Taxes: Chris doesn’t know what taxes are but he is against them.

Well, I think Chris has a good platform and I already filled out my mail-in ballot. Since I have grown very cynical and believe all politicians are at least somewhat corrupt, I only voted for Chris and left the rest blank (except for the amendments). What about you? Can Chris count on your vote this November? If Chris wins, he promises catnip for everyone.