When the vet came in to tell me what was wrong with Chris on Saturday, I called my wife so she could hear it, too. She was in Tampa preparing for a cruise with her managers. The vet said they had removed some of the fluid from around Chris’s lungs and had him on oxygen. She said there are two main causes for that condition: cancer and heart disease. She mentioned a number of tests that could be done to determine which is the cause.
“So, you would do the tests, and we will take Chris home and wait for the results?”
“Oh, no. Chris needs critical care. he would have to stay here and be admitted.”
“So, what would his prognoses be then?”
“If it’s cancer, there’s not much we can do. If it’s heart disease, medication might extend his life three to six months.”
That is about how the conversation went, although I may not have the words exactly right. My wife thought he suffered enough. She thought going through all of this treatment for little or no benefit would be something Chris would despise. I had to agree with her considering on top of his current problem, he also had kidney disease, a perpetual ear infection, and arthritis. So, we made the decision to let him go.
After a little while, they took me to another room. This room had a bench seat big enough for two people next to a window. I sat on the end near the door. A women took my credit card information, and I paid the over one-thousand-dollar bill.
She left and came back with Chris wrapped in a towel. She put him on my lap, and I petted him for a little while. I saw part of his fur was shaved and he had a tube sticking out of him from somewhere. He then got up and walked to the other side of the bench and looked out the window.
At that moment, I thought he looked normal. He didn’t look like a cat in need of critical care. My first thought was to tell them I changed my mind and get the hell out of there with him. I then considered the possibility that the vet might know more than me. What if I brought him home and he had another episode where he had trouble breathing? What if he were to die while not being able to get enough oxygen and lying in his own urine like that morning?
I made the hard choice. I picked up Chris, put him back on my lap, and pushed the call button.
Monday night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept going over that moment in my head. I convinced myself I made the wrong choice. I thought the vet probably over exaggerated his condition like a weather forecaster before a hurricane. I thought I should have brought him home and let God decide his fate. I’m not qualified.
Are these feelings normal? The last time I was involved with euthanasia was with Abbey about twelve years ago. Then my wife was with me which made it easier but still, I felt grief, but I didn’t feel like we were doing the wrong thing. What do you think?
I want to end this post on a positive note so here is one of my most recent photos of Chris.
Bad Cat Chris 
Your feelings of doubt are normal…..letting Sammy and some of my past cat-kids “go” due to overwhelming medical issues was NEVER easy but I knew it was right. It’s what I would want for myself and have made sure of that in my own medical records. It’s so hard to NOT be selfish and hang on because we love them so much and care for them so much but knowing the odds are against a “normal” life after such HUGE medical issues helps us do the hardest thing – letting them go. It takes a while until you stop thinking “did I do the right thing” but in the end, you will KNOW you did. Sending you and Rose hugs……
Pam
I hope I did the right thing. I think if I could go back to Saturday knowing what I know now I would bring Chris home and then bring him to his normal vet on Monday for a second opinion. Unfortunately it’s hard to make a decision like that without time to weigh all the options.
I saw these posts late, but you absolutely did the right thing. I had the same feeling after I had let Merlin go, but a retired vet told me, better one day too early than one too late. Merlin only had a few days left his kidneys were on shutdown. And that would have been if not a painful still a very unpleasant death, with a lot of nausea and feeling unwell in general. Chris having problems breathing is usually a painful thing. So you would have had to give him painkillers. You would have had to bring him back to hospitalise him time and time again, as the water in the lungs tends to come back. No, let me assure you, it was the right thing to do there and then.
Chris suffered less because of your painful, but very responsible decision. And Rose knew it, too – she agreed with you. Chris was a very sick cat at that time, and not young. In the wild, male unneutered cats on average live up to 2 to 3 years – because they fight so much and die of diseases. You gave him a lot of very good years. Now you gave him the last good thing – a peaceful way to go. *leaves a silent hug
Thanks for your nice comment. He did spend the final minutes on my lap purring.
I fully understand you. I was feeling guilty too when I decided to let Mr. Bowie go. The vet told me Mr. Bowie had a few ‘good’ months left but I made the hard decision to let him go that day. It took me many days to find some peace of mind but I think I made the right choice…
Sending you love & hugs, my dear friend.
We mere mortals can only use our best judgement.
you did the last thing you could do for him… it was a decision for your chris, not against him. you were there with him…. together till the end… … hugs to you…
Thanks.
As with the others here…and your question, it is not possible to not feel that way when it is a beloved and treasured family member whom you love. And his looking out the window…such a normal thing for a cat to do…was the “pinpoint” I am thinking, of your anguish. When their lives are going to be in pain or peril, I think there is only one decision. That which you and Rose made.
I feel guilt for waiting too long for Admiral out of selfishness and great love.
Hugs to you. I, as does everyone here, understand.
Thanks so much.
such decisions are sad. Once again though I thank you for sharing.
Thank you.
Your feelings are absolutely normal. But you did what you thought best for Chris. Once there is fluid in the chest or abdomen, time is limited. There’s no fix for it. That’s what happened with Ernie. Please be kind to yourself.
You have a good point. Thank you.
Reading your words today brought back memories of when I had to let my Alex go last year. It was totally unexpected. He went in for teeth cleaning, and the vet discovered tumors in his throat. Before I took him to the vet, he had our morning walkies and he was his bouncy self. When I dropped him off, he did not want to leave me. I still see him wanting to come to me. Leaving him made me feel guilty.
When the vet called me at work, it was just about an hour after I dropped him off, I knew something was wrong and my stomach was in a knot. Luckily my office is 5 minutes from the vet. I held my little boy. My heart broke. The vet told me that even if we found the tumors sooner, there isn’t much they can do. I felt so guilty that I let my little fella down. I felt guilty for a while. THe pain of loosing him did subside and I adopted another dog.
What you are feeling is normal. It will pass as will the pain. I miss all my dogs that have gone and have great memories of them.
You will feel better! Remember the joy and craziness he brought you. Don’t stop writing about him, because we all enjoyed reading about him.
Well, now I have to dry my tears and get back to work. Take care Charles and Rose.
Thank you so much. I am sorry for your loss, but I feel like I am not alone which is helpful.
I so get this. I did the same when I had to put Kitty down. Kitty’s numbers for kidney disease were off the charts yet I kept thinking she was acting more normal and would be fine. The vets do know better than us, and mine kept stressing ‘quality of life.’ Be kind to yourself, Charles. You did the best for Chris, both during his life and at the end of it. And you stayed with him. You did the absolute best. Chris had a great life because of you.
Thanks for your kind words.
Your feelings are very normal. I just my kitty in July. My kitty was in a lot of pain but; got better for a few hours one day and then went downhill again and I knew it was time to let him go. It’s hard knowing when it’s the right time. But; you don’t want them to suffer either. And it sounds like you thought of Chris first. Just remember you gave him the best life with lots of love. Remember the good times you had with him. It takes time to heal but; you never forget. Hugs to you and your wife.
Thanks so much. I do feel like I gave him a good life.
I Had many times those sme guilt feelings, esp with Suki, as she was actually feeling good on the day we had ‘decided’ on…she strutted around the special room as if she owned it.
I almost backed out of what we were there for, but then the vet said, now you have a good memory of her last hour with you. (She had seizures and an inner ear trouble, which when she got the attacks the other two cats and the dog would go after her, it was pitiful to see her that way…)
And our Toki, well he had severe diabetes, and we traveled a lot to deal with our elderly parents, all of whom lived hundreds of miles from us…and with two very young children, it was almost an insurmountable issue to deal with on top of the others we already had, plus we were living hand to mouth back then as it were…when I asked the vet what he would do if it was his furry family member he said let him go…and he was a very compassionate vet, wish he was still our vet, but he retired and left that practise.
Please just remind yourself of all the good memories you have, and stop trying to second guess yourself, because as far as I know from experience it just makes te grief so much harder.
Sending a ton of hugs to you and yours at this very hard time.
Thank you so much and I’m sorry for what you had to go through.
I think it’s normal to have doubts, we always went through that with our past kitties. You both loved Chris and released him from suffering, out of love. We send hugs and purrs and wishes for peace and comfort to you and Rose.
Thanks. I appreciate you.
should have, what if, did I. If I asked myself this question 1000 times, I asked it a million times. “ guilt” is one of the 7 stages of grief, and sadly you have to go through it, to get…past it. what you did for Chris was the greatest gift you could have offered him, and was done out of love and compassion FOR Chris. spending his days on medication, isn’t quality of life, especially since they can’t tell us, how it makes them feel. quality of life is better than quantity of days, and sure as I’m typing this, I know
Chris would have said thanks.💙💚 he’s starting his tenth life in heaven now, and will wait until he sees you both again, being a good cat….or….maybe ….a “bad cat” too😼😼😺😺
please excuse if this comment posts twice, tech is just great
Thanks for the nice words.
Very normal and you did the absolute right thing – sending you big hugs
Thanks so much.
For what it’s worth and in my personal opinion, you made the right call, you did. We had a before Brian kitty named Moses. We were in the exact same position as you were with Chris. We opted to take him home and that was a big mistake. Poor Moses died a miserable death gasping to breathe as we took him to say goodbye. That still haunts us. Don’t question your decision, as hard as it was it was the correct thing to do for Chris.
Thanks. That was the one thought that kept me from bringing him home.
Yes, we all second guess ourselves. And wonder if we could/should have done more, noticed things sooner. (Between Feb 1 2020 and mid-May 2022 8 of my cats died – none from being hit in the road or attacked by a dog – cancer/saddle thrombus/chronic kidney disease/ heart conditions. ..all medical reasons. I was with all but one, though in most of their cases they took the decision out of my hands.)
Several years before that my little calico Buddy was dying of ckd – it had gone beyond the maintainence stage – and I asked an animal communicator to ask her what she wanted. She told him she was ready to go on to her next adventure. I’d bet that Christ is already off on a new adventure…but that doesn’t mean you won’t hear from him again.
Oh, those two years had to be awful. We had six cats die at eight years old or younger, between 2010 and 2013.
It’s impossible not to second (and 3rd and 4th and 5th) guess yourself on this decision. To opt for Chris to have no more fear and suffering has to be the right choice. That said, it is always the toughest call in the history of calls. You made the most important, most difficult, most necessary, and kindest decision for your boy. Rest with that.
Thanks so much.
Your feelings are your feelings, it’s good to know what they are and acknowledge them.
If you’d waited, the fluid would have built back up and Chris would have suffered because of it. As it was, you let him go when his body had given up and his brain didn’t know it yet, which as my vet says is the perfect time.
I salute your profoundly difficult and I believe correct decision.
Thank you.
Every single time I chose euthanasia, I had guilt and wondered if the cat would have had more time. It is hard not to think that, but just try to remember you made a choice out of love for Chris and he knew he was loved.
Thank you. He had a good life which I am happy about.
Your feelings are normal. But that doesn’t make it any easier. I had to sign for them to stop the machines keeping my father alive. I knew deep down it was the right thing to do, but that didn’t really help. Chris was an extremely lucky kitty to have you and Rose as his human parents. You have always done what is right for him, and he loved you. Unfortunately, his body gave out. You helped him go softly into the good night.
Thanks. I appreciate you.
OMG THIS BROUGHT BACK SOOOOOOOO MANY MEMORIES!! YES, YES, YES your feelings are ENTIRELY NORMAL! I went through something similar with my Angel Bobo (but Bobo didn’t have arthritis, an on-going ear infection or kidney disease). My Angel Bobo was diagnosed with heart disease when he was about 16 I think. The ONLY meds they gave him were Lasix (which helps remove the fluid from his heart). The Vet told me I could have weeks, days, months, if I were lucky a couple years. I was lucky and Bobo passed a day after his 18th birthday. But…….here is my point. For a few days before I made the decision to let him go his breathing was on and off VERY BAD. Then……..he would seem ok. Then…….it would get VERY BAD. The day before I made the decision his breathing was HORRIFIC……I was afraid he wouldn’t make it through the night. I called the Vet and the Vet was scheduled to come to our house Monday night. Monday morning I told Bobo it was ok not to hang on for me (he and I were EXTREMELY CLOSE he was my only pet for his entire 18 years)……..Bobo stopped eating…….(he was obsessed with food and I took it as a sign). I laid on the bed crying telling him I would be ok and I didn’t want him to feel he had to be in pain because of me. But………right before the Vet came he seemed FINE. We went through with it………and……..just like you I kept questioning myself for a long, long time. You did in your heart what you knew to be right, you DID spare Chris possibly a horrible death……..please don’t beat yourself. But………I understand your feelings completely. ((((hugs)))
You really do know how I feel. It is a terrible responsibility but if we have pets we have to make those hard decisions.
Yes, I sadly do. And…….those decisions are the worst.
This was a most difficult decision, made even more difficult by not being there with you and Chris. All I knew at that time was that Chris hated the vet and would not want to be spending his last days in that way. Chris lived a long and wonderful life, and in the end saying goodby was awful, but we made a decision out of our love for him, and what was best for him.
I’m sure you are right.
Doubting yourself is normal. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Can he recover? His symptoms reminded me of Pooh, my Manx. Pooh was having great difficulty breathing. It came on, suddenly. The diagnosis was quick…pancreatic cancer…no hope. They dosed him for pain & brought him to me. He purred in my lap, acting just fine but, I knew time was short. He had a tube and they administered the fluid. He slowly fell over in my lap. That was in 2010…and it still hurts. I mentioned, before, that I still have his ashes. My first kitten/cat was a girl & she was hit by a car. My second kitten/cat was taken away from me by my then husband. Buddy the cat was playing and biting me & my ex snatched him up. He thought it was too violent and grabbed the cat. He left and came back without Buddy. He refused to tell me where he took him. I cried for WEEKS. Pooh belonged to a family up the street and they ignored him most of the time…would not let him in the house. We let him in, fed him some tuna and he stayed.
Don’t forget. Chris was probably on heavy meds. He would appear calm. You can’t blame yourself.
I know you are right, but I can’t help wishing I wasn’t the responsible one.
We believe they tell you when it’s the right time, and Angel Chris told you that moment that it was, Charles…and you listened✨ Soft Pawkisses🐾😽💞
Thanks.
You made absolutely the right choice. Cats want to feel better NOW. They don’t want to go through horrible treatment at the place they hate the most, in order to (maybe) feel better. Lots of love to you all. 🧡🧡🧡
Thanks so much.